It’s been a while and I figure right now would be a good time to post something. Even if it’s 8pm EST. I never really mentioned it, but I moved back home with my parents in New Jersey. It’s been about a month since I came back and I honestly regret it.
I’d have hoped that many things would have changed once I moved back in, but for the better. They did at first which I was very surprised by. Unfortunately it didn’t last too long and there was a miscommunication and/or misunderstanding with dinner plans. My sister had my father and I talk it out and we came to a mutual understanding, one that would work for at most two weeks.
During this time, I did follow through with things as necessary. Not like I was being forced, but I knew in the back of my mind that I just had to deal with it. I did my chores when they asked, which is genuinely all I asked of my parents to do for me. I’m not the best at keeping time, due to my ADHD, but it seemed to bug my father quite a bit that I didn’t do things “on time”. I expressed the issue with my ADHD interfering with doing stuff, as I’ve been off meds for almost seven years “under control” of it, but there’s still a lack of understanding from him and my mother in regards to it.
The following weeks up until now have been kind of.. depressing, really. I’ve really never thought that it could be a possible issue until recently. I’ve been a bit frustrated with regards to work, but only slightly. Nothing major. The rest of it comes from the remaining weeks since about early-mid September. I don’t want to dawdle and keep myself from telling everything, so here it goes: those weeks have just been brutal verbal abuse that I can’t stand any longer.
It isn’t exactly anything horrible, trust me. The worst thing that impacted me was him making snide comments, especially about “going back to my old ways” in which I wouldn’t do things on time and just reside in my room all the time. I don’t disagree that it occurred, so why am I so upset about it? It goes back to the original issue at hand: trying to keep myself sane while doing as I’ve been asked. I also happened to be getting involved with some of my hobbies again which rely use of my desktop in my bedroom.
I spoke to my siblings and they reassured me that they stand behind my decision to move out. Last Friday I went to a Starbucks and applied to an apartment. It’s not too far from work just 5 minutes away in fact. A lot of good things can be said about where it is, but it doesn’t matter in this context. I drove back home almost regretting the fact that I actually applied to it. Inside I was greeted by my father who was unusually calm about my late night (7pm EST versus 5:30/6:00pm EST) arrival. I turned on my desktop and couldn’t connect to the internet at home. I figured it was odd. My suspicions were clear that he’d blocked (at least my phone and desktop) from accessing the WiFi (and I even texted him about it, and he admitted to it). I presume this was because he found out that I spoke to one of my friends briefly before he “banned” me from talking to them (over an apology said individual “owed” my mother. That’s another story, but the whole thing was dumb because they were going to voluntarily apologize in the first place–and forceful apologies weren’t an option for my friend in the sense of being entitled to one “because”). This issue only solidified my reasoning for the application.
I plan to tell my parents I’ve moved out once I settle in tomorrow. I don’t think they’d somehow find this blog post (or my site anyways), but hey, if they did, I want them to know I love them, but deep down it hurts to write any of this. I’m sick of how I’ve been treated the past month and need not only time away from them, but my independence again. I need my mental health to be repaired from enduring the yelling and comments. I wish they understood what it feels like to be me, sitting in my room typing this out–having been frustrated with being treated poorly the past few weeks–although I tried that on Saturday, but neither of them were willing to listen or be understanding and it just sucks.
Anyways, on a cheerier note.. I was approved yesterday morning and I signed the lease today. I’m planning to move in tomorrow before my flight on Thursday for my brother’s bachelor party.